When it Falls Apart

What do you do when it's only Wednesday but feels like it's been a whole week already? When you've already called your family over every day and don't wan't to do that yet again? When you get to the evening and you're trying to pull dinner together as fast as possible but all of the children are screaming?

I went back and forth on writing about today since it won't be all peppy and happy; but you know what? Not every minute of life is peppy and happy. And it's been really hard having Matt gone. Everything falls onto me all day, every day. It's tiring. I didn't get married to spend the time apart. I want my children to have their dad fully present in their lives, not on the other side of the globe.

Yes I can do this. But no, I don't want to. I don't want everything to fall on me. I don't want Matt missing out on his children growing up. I'm tired of the Navy sending Matt on forward deployments as a geobachelor. It sucks. I'm ready for him to retire and yet we have six or seven more years (I can't remember right now). I wish we could step away and be a regular family. To set down actual roots and not be thinking about how long we have left in one spot. Right now, I'm jealous of my non-military friends. The ones who get to chose where they live and actually be together as a family.

This post seems bitter. And yet, right now, I am bitter. I want my husband. Today was hard. This week has been hard. The children (whom I dearly love) have been tiring and constant. I think Rosalie has a death wish with her dare-devil self.

Tonight blasted some music (in airpods) to drown out the crying during dinner preperations. I'm counting down the minutes to bedtime. I'm waiting for Matt's lunchbreak so we can chat for a few minutes before I go to bed. Tonight we're going into survival mode. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be.