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Opening Up About Past Shadows

Our world has become an extremely sexualized world. It's the new norm and a good amount of people no longer bat an eyelash and what we see or hear. Growing up, I was called goody two-shoes, goody-goody, church girl, prune and grandma for voicing certain opinions or choosing not to do certain activities that the world had deemed fine and normal. I will admit that I did try to fit in more with how I dressed (there were always fights with my parents about changing my clothes before being allowed to leave the house as a teenager), did my makeup and choosing to use bad language; because "that's what everyone else was doing". When I started going to college, I became more comfortable with just being me and trying to grow into a woman that God would be more proud of than my parents and friends. I still fail miserably, I know, but I try.

There are many life factors that go into how a person perceives, reacts to and handles certain situations. I am acutely aware that I am hyper sensitive to anything sexual; but there are reasons for that. This is not something that I have ever talked about with the exception of my husband and a select few others that I completely trust. This is why I'm standing my ground on the Super Bowl Half Time Show, why my husband and I don't watch movies with nudity, why we won't let our children watch those things, why I don't dress certain ways and why Matt and I won't allow our children to dress certain ways as they grow up.

I have started so many shows like Spartacus, Versailles, Outlander (and others) because I love period shows and movies but then turned it off after the first couple of episodes because there were extremely explicit sex scenes that turned those shows into softcore porn. Shows and movies can be so incredibly well made that they would definitely make money off of them but then for some reason think, "we need naked women to make our viewers happy". Are the actresses not good enough on their own? Do they only become useful to the company when they agree to take their clothes off?

Throughout my life, there have been boys and men who chose to do what they wanted without considering or listening to what I wanted. Whether that be pre-teens showing me their penis at the pool, teenage boys forcing me to play that game that went around for a while called "nervous" and not listening when I said "no" and "stop", a five year relationship that included sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse and verbal abuse that ended in a last minute called off wedding and me no longer able to give my husband the gift of purity along with a plethora of baggage, followed by multiple "first dates" where all of the men (except my now husband) deemed it appropriate to kiss me at the end and one even managed to get me to a secluded area without my noticing till it was too late and getting sexually assaulted yet agin.

There are many factors that go into why I am so sensitive. I hate anything that objectifies women. There are so many women in this world who don't get a say over their own bodies due to rape, human trafficking or fear of what someone close will say or do if they say "no". Women are not put here on this earth to simply give pleasure to men. We are so much more than sex toys and we shouldn't have to resort to sexualizing what we do (like singing, dancing, acting or preforming) to actually get noticed. I understand that "sex sales", but talent is talent and you shouldn't have to be naked or partially naked to prove that you have it.

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