Oh man; my goal with Josh was to make it to a minimum of one year of breast feeding. Well, due to pregnancy hormones, my supply completely dried up once I hit my second trimester with Jonathan (Josh was 9 months at that point). After that disappointment, I vowed to make it to a year with Jonathan. Well here we are at six months and I just pumped while he's napping since he didn't nurse before going down and I barely got over one ounce. I don't even have pregnancy hormones to use as an excuse this time.
Why do we moms have so many things that make us feel like failures? Obviously, many things will happen to our children as they grow up, sickness, getting hurt, maybe your child takes longer to read than others their age, longer to start walking, talking? the list goes on when it comes to most hurtful thing that mothers do to ourselves; comparisons. Now, you don't have to be a mother to make the mistake of comparing yourself to others.
I believe there are two main outcomes from comparisons, and both are bad.
You will puff yourself up by seeing where you excel from others, and in turn, beat everyone else down around you. You're better than everyone else.
You will beat yourself up with not achiving what others can/do. You're never good enough.
Some people have the ability to make some comparisons against others and have a positive effect from it for both parties. For example: seeing how much energy someone else has who works out and eats healthy and then deciding that you want to make some healthier choices yourself.
When it comes to parenthood though,why one earth are we all so judgmental with each other? Don't we all want the same outcome? Healthy, well balanced children who grow up to be good, kind and loving human beings? I highly doubt that there are any parents who look at their child and think "I hope you grow up to be a failure". Who does that?!
If we all want what's best, and have the ability to tell a friend who is struggling and thinks they are failing their child(ren) things like
It's ok that your child isn't rolling yet, they will.
It's ok that your child isn't sitting yet, they will.
It's ok that your child isn't walking yet, they will.
It's ok that your child isn't saying their ABC's, numbers, colors, shapes, animals yet, they will.
It's ok that your child isn't reading yet, they will.
It's OK that you have to supplement formula because your breast milk has dried up to almost nothing before the one year mark. You're child needs food and you still have a way to feed them even if it isn't from the breast.
You are a good mother, father, grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling, child, friend for simply doing your best.
You are not a failure.